I personally have no idea what kind of mother Beyonce is. When I first read she was pregnant, I figured she’d be a lot like the rest of us: she would love her child deeply and want the very best for her.
Now that said infant has arrived, however, it has come to light that Beyonce is the Worst Mother In The World ™. At least it has to many members of the Natural Child Birth Community. How did they figure this out? Well, they read in a few online tabloid articles that she gave birth via c-section. Because her baby was breech. At–somewhere around…maybe…that’s the rumor at least–37 weeks. Now, of course, breech babies are currently (unless you are a real woman, in which case you’ll give birth to your footling breech twins vaginally at home) on the official Approved Reasons for a C-section® list, but it is so very clear to these women that the timing for Beyonce is inappropriate. We all know that articles about celebrities are the epitome of accuracy in journalism. We also know that certain members of the NCB elite have special powers enabling them to determine whether circumstances surrounding a c-section were appropriate without access to medical records (I have experienced women with these amazing powers firsthand when sharing my own birth story). And there is NO WAY that Beyonce might have released a due date later than her real one in order to throw the paparazzi off. So what does all this mean? Yep, it means that Beyonce is a selfish, horrible mother. And that the birth of her baby is sick. Gross. Ridiculous. Stupid. A real bummer. Worthy of the pronouncement, “Ugh!”